I don't even know what to title this or if I'll even post it because I don't want people to feel sorry for me. But then again maybe there's someone out there that can relate to it and be okay with it too! And because I think it's silly what I did.
Story: I went to an activity tonight because I want to get out and make friends in my church ward. We've lived here for about a year now, you think I'd be a little more outgoing by now ;) It was a dinner/service activity for the women. I walked to where it all was and ladies said hi. But then there was time between getting there and waiting for dinner to begin. So I stood. I felt awkward, VERY awkward. I didn't know what to do. Everyone was already chatting with someone, and I don't know anyone well enough to just walk up and join the convo. So I stood some more, thinking how even more awkward it was going to be getting my food and then looking for somewhere to sit. I contemplated just leaving and well... I did.
HOW LAME!!! I know that's what you're thinking. I agree 100%. I know I need to make friends and it's mostly all my fault for not having ones that I feel comfortable being myself around, Well let me just tell you... and this is in NO WAY trying to make up excuses, but
I'm shy. I have been my WHOLE life. Granted, I become a TON more outgoing while in college and while in China for a semester. Some people did not even believe me when I told them about my awkward shyness. While in high school, people that didnt know me thought I was stuck up because they would see me being chatty kathy with my friends and then silent in the classroom full of students I did not know.
So in that sense, I've always had a hard time going into a new situation and making friends and being myself. Weird thing though, if I'm the one in charge of an activity, I don't have a problem being outgoing. I don't have a hard time talking to people, but feeling comfortable and just talking about who-knows-what with someone right away has never been my forte when I wish it was. I have a bubblier than bubbly little sister and an amazingly outgoing older sister. You'd think they'd want to share some of that with me;) I think I just have this fear that people will think I'm immature or just weird. haha. For some reason, I have this shell around me and it only slowly breaks away. I don't open up very well or fast. I've been trying to work on that because it drives me CRAZY that I'm that way and I guess I've never been in a situation where I went anywhere without a friend that I felt secure around. ha. So to put tonights situation lightly, it was horrifying to me, in a sense! haha. I came home feeling ridiculous that I left, but I felt even more ridiculous being there.
Well, you live and you learn. I lived... and I'll learn.
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deconstructing healing
5 months ago
AHH I am the EXACT same way and I can't even count the number of times I have felt like that. I think I have only actually left a few times, but I definitely know what you mean. When I try and tell people how painfully shy I am they just look at me weird..I hate being that way so I try to pretend like I'm not. Some days I'm better at it than others :) One thing that I have done is to constantly put myself in situations where I am so far out of comfort zone and I have to go up and talk to people....I think I'm getting better at it....:)
ReplyDeleteJanica, why can't we just live next to each other so we have each other to go to things like that together. I am sorry that happened, I think it is lame that no one made you feel more welcome. I LOVE YOU and miss you!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand (although I'm amazed those women in your ward were so oblivious)...I'm the exact same way as you, and it drives me crazy. I wish I knew how to start up great conversations and make myself more involved. My husband is so much better than I am, so I always hate when he's not around to help me!
ReplyDeleteI remember when we first were in the Centennial ward together, I was actually really intimidated by you because you are GORGEOUS! You were perfect in my eyes! I wouldn't have thought you were shy. Quiet, yes, but not shy :). I guess in a way it's always comforting to know that everyone has their own insecurities, huh? Cause we all do!
p.s. I love all the pics you've taken! They look great!
I never would have thought that you were shy, Janica! I'm totally the same way...and I probably would have left too. Its so hard to be in a new ward and not have anyone to cling to. By the way it was great seeing you and little Warren the other day! I love his smiles! It makes me really excited for Jett to start smiling.
ReplyDeleteUgh! I totally GET you on this one. And Relief Society activities are the worst. Because not only do you feel all awkward and squirmy, but you have the guilt of ditching a church activity. The solution- let's be in the same ward so we can buddy up on these occasions. Deal?!
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way!! It takes me a while to open up and I think I sometimes come off as not interested or stuck up...and I'm also not shy if I'm "in charge" of something, but in small groups I totally am. Weird!
ReplyDeleteLindsey
Janica. I am totally in the same place as you on this one! I can't even think of how many times I've gone to an activity because I want to make friends and be involved, only to feel like a total idiot standing there alone. I have totally left a couple times too. It seems so ridiculous to me that at a church activity, no one notices that you're standing there alone! The worst part is that the more it continues to happen, the less and less desire I have to even go in the first place!
ReplyDeleteMaybe next time will be better?
or maybe just take a friend with you?
haha..we've lived here a year also, and just two nights ago the activity was NEXT DOOR TO ME and i still didn't go over there! I think it's partly due to the fact i'm in primary, and nursery before that...and so to this day i've never really been in relief society, so it seems like a...society that does not and will not ever include me! haha, who knows. I hope it goes better for you next time though!
ReplyDeletetyler was just telling me last night that he wanted to hang out with you guys sometime! that'd be fun, right??
I've totally done that before---sometimes missing an opportunity to be social is worth avoiding the awkwardness of getting there.
ReplyDeleteThat makes me so sad! You are so fun! Dumb ladies!! Sadly I feel that can easily happen especially at church activities with a bunch of women in their little groups! To me it's so ironic that the RS is all about sisterhood but people forget what the whole purpose of the program is (not that I'm perfect either)....When I lived in Idaho I felt this way 100% and I even tried to talk to people but ultimately they just weren't up for change and I continuously felt like no matter how hard I tried I wouldn't make a close friend at church. Instead, all my YW girls were tons more fun and would hangout at my house lol. I decided that because of how terrible my experience was in Idaho that I would try and not let anyone in my new ward feel the way I did, so when I moved here I made an effort to introduce myself to every new lady I sat by and to the new sisters who moved in. It's been a challenge sometimes but I've made a handful of friends and It's made ALL the difference in the world! (But I have to say Texas is SO friendly- WAY different than in the Utah/Idaho area) I'll bet there were other women too shy to talk to you at that activity too but wanted to. Hopefully it'll get better soon! I wish I lived by you so we could have fun together! AW!! I miss you like mad!!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way! I only go to things if someone invites me to go with them. I totally get how you feel with this. Dang shyness.
ReplyDeletetotally been there, done that! i don't think of you as shy though. i know i do'nt know you SUPER well, but my image of you has always been totally outgoing. i've been told many times that people thought i was stuck up until they got to know me, and it's just because i'm shy. i just think it's way weird that nobody talked to you!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to that awkward feeling. My solution is to go to the kitchen and start helping. I feel stupid standing doing nothing.
ReplyDeleteHa, that is me to a T!! I never thought you were shy by any means!! But I understand your pain.
ReplyDeleteJeff and I live in a ward where the only people we know are the ones who either live in our four plex, we knew them already, or are the four year olds we teach!! So going to any kind of social is out of the question, unless I know that my good friend Kathy will be there- she's the social butterfly and is the reason I have met the people I have.
Jeff and I were in a ward for the first year and a half of our marriage where EVERY single week people would come up to us and ask if we were new-- sometimes it was the same people!! It just makes me so grateful for roommates and the "forced" friendships we had to make with them!!
you just jinxed yourself. this sunday the bishop is going to call you to be the activities director. :)
ReplyDeleteOh Jan, you crack me up! I totally feel that way too. Crazy, because growing up I didn't feel that way at all.
ReplyDeleteMy husband practically has to force me to go. He drops me off then leaves with the car.
ReplyDelete