we are fam-i-ly. we are ham and cheese

ice age anyone? :) ^^^

well hello there. long time no see.

we had our family pictures taken a few months ago and i LOVE them. i've had frames put up on my wall for about, eh...6 months now picture-less. i needed a decoration change and i knew i wanted to put up more family photos and well we just didn't have any recent enough ones at the moment, so there they sat. empty.

now i have to choose which ones i will put in the 9 frames....gah....

and these are only just a snippet of even more that i love. i'll probably have to do another post of my other favorites. 

taken by the ever so talented Lindsey Shaun Photography

it can be done!

A good day, it can be done! ;)

We've been having a spell of some pretty trying days around these parts. Warren has been really trying my patience and I have felt like I have no control. There was just this weight on my shoulders of negativity and defeat. I was so lost. I was confused as to why this was happening. I was trying to spend more one on one time with him, I was making sure he had enough food (the kid doesn't realize when he's hungry or that it makes him ornery) . But I was at a loss.

Until just the other night I was talking to a bff and she helped me realize that I was parenting too much with my head and not enough with my heart. I was thinking too much. I was OVER thinking too much. I was reading too many things on how to be a good parent instead of LISTENING to my heart and intuition. I knew that my own intuition on how to help my kids trumps any kind of "parenting" book but I was never "realizing" it. Until that night. I was thinking, "DUH" you knew that Janica.

So the next day, I focused on listening to my heart, thinking through my heart instead of just solely through my mind/head. OH MY GOODNESS the world of difference that made. And you know what? Warren wasn't acting ANY different. It was me! I was being too strict, overthinking how everything I said, didn't say, did, didn't do, was going to affect him in the long run. He was much happier, I was MUCH happier and didn't feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. In all essence I was trying to just "Let Go and Let God." Of course I can't be perfect at this everyday but it's sure been a great change to just realize and try and focus on being led throughout the day by just paying more attention to intuition and my heart and God, rather than trying to "rely on the flesh".

Just breathe

Do sometimes you just wake up with so much anxiety and heaviness? Heaviness from being disappointed in yourself ?

Well I did this morning.

Just a overwhelming load of who knows what hanging over my head and weighing me down a thousand pounds. I couldn't figure out what was going on until I paid attention to myself and realized what I was feeling. I was beating myself up for losing in a mental battle....  with myself.  It was something so small but I felt like I let people down, I didn't give my best because mentally I had already lost. I lMugh at myself because of the situation - but it's honestly that I'm burdening myself and besting myself up for the mental battle that I lost.

Until I remembered to just breathe. It's amazing how healing/refreshing/releasing deep breathing can be.  I went and laid down on my bed and deep breathed and pictured myself releasing the anxiety and heaviness that was sitting in my chest and the pit of my stomach.

It crazy how our minds work and how powerful they are...

I need to remember to just breathe....

why is it so hard?

I have this struggle EVERY DAY. I don't know why it's so hard to JUST DO IT. It seriously eats at me how easy it is to do but yet I just don't. There is honestly no good answer except. "I don't know why, I just don't." There's actually a lot of things I know I should be doing that I "just don't do" but this one totally changes how my whole day goes if I just get my lazy bum to do it!

Praying in the morning as I get up and reading my scriptures.

I need some tricks or tips or something! A lot of times I'm super hard on myself with thinking, "well if it really was that important to you, you would just do it." Which is totally true for the most part. I think it's hard to start any kind of habit. I've never been awesome at it and I go back and forth with being awesome at it and then just being a bum about it. You'd think I would want to try my hardest to make it a habit because I'm so much happier when I actually do it and it just starts the day off right. But sometimes Lydia wakes up needing me right away. Sometimes Warren crawls in bed with me and then just begs and begs and begs for apple juice RIGHT then or he's sure he's gonna die ;)... and then my day just goes on and I just don't do it. Why are some things just so hard for me to just do?!

Something so simple.  blah

Man vs Mud - logan UT 2012

Back in August/September? Help me out here Shanae. I can't remember which month! :) Cori and I drove up to Logan on a Friday night to prepare for our Saturday MUD RUN! It was so fun. I love being with my sisters and how crazy we get around each other and how much fun we make sure we have. That night we went to Wal Mart to get some extremely pink eye shadow and sparkly pink fingernail polish. I'm pretty sure everyone thought we were on something. haha! 

Then we stayed up late trying to think of the most creative and funny plank positions. We read online they would have prizes for a ton of things and we chose to try for the plank. I seriously have not laughed that hard in a long time. I'm sad we didn't have Aaron take pictures of all our ridiculously funny planks. 

Eventually we made our way to bed, WAY to late:) Morning came too fast and it was time to get ready!! We did our nails and put on a ton of eye makeup. It was fun to dress up and put on a Halloween amount of makeup.  We were all soo tired and I'm pretty sure that made everything 10x funnier than normal.

this is shanae's adrorable girl, kali ,who did the kid mud run fun

putting on coris make up. haha

Who's Yo Mudda?

at the start!

We got some pictures before  the muddiness began:)

We took all of our after pictures with our phones and well I don't have those on my comp still. Pretty much it was awesome and definitely made the most out of it. We army crawled through all the mud pits and soaked ourselves in mud. We wanted to win muddiest! We planked every obstacle and sang and ran and went crazy the whole time. It was soo fun. At the very end they had a huge slip n slide into a mud pit. I was sliding so fast I couldn't control where I was going and about slid off the mat and missed the pit. haha. I didn't get quite the fast rush and plop into it like Cori and Shanae.

By the time we were done, the sun was gone and it was almost starting to rain. We were covered in mud and freezing! Thanks nae for paying for warm showers at the end! It took about 40 minutes to just get the outer layer of mud and inside our toonies and such out. Then we drove home and took another hour to still get it all out and out of all of our hair! We then ordered pizza and got a movie to watch. Then Cori and I had to make the drive home :( I wish we were all neighbors to spend more time together more often!

always try and follow with a good day...

Last Thursday was a way less than awesome day. Well it actually started out good and then this mama right here failed. We went to basketball like we always do on Thursday mornings and that was good, but then after we got home and lydia got her nap, well..... I kind of neglected my kids.

The whole Manti Te'o story was everywhere and I was following it from tons of different places, listening to interviews. Warren, poor warren, it was one of those days where I put show on after show on for him because I was trying to "concentrate". haha really?! They got fed and all the essentials taken care of and then 5:00 came around. I had to leave in half and hour to go for one of my church callings and Seth wasn't home from work yet. I started to panic realizing I had just wasted away almost 3 hours doing NOTHING productive. And I still have to make dinner. Pesto pizza was on my list for that week so I thought I'd whip that up real quick. (It honestly only takes about 25 minutes to make, start to finish) But that's for 1 pizza. I needed to make 2. (We're big eaters around here) Well I started and it was complete chaos trying to make the pizza and make sure my two littles weren't destroying the house and each other.

It was one of those days where Warren could have used a nap and turns into a terror at 5 pm. Well, it was 5 and I was trying to make dinner and lydia was tired and hungry. And Seth wasn't going to be home in time for me to leave without taking the kids with me. Warren had been playing with some decorative letters I had pulled out from storage and I had asked him many times to not throw them. He was insistent on playing with them. (This kid is stubborn and persistent when he wants something) Totally my fault that I didn't just put them away but of course he threw one, so....I spanked him. Totally out of angry reaction. Then he threw it again aaaannnndddd it broke. I yelled, "Warren!" in a frusterated voice. He knew and started sobbing and ran to time out.

I don't make it a habit to spank. I don't like to, but it was one of those days where I wasted away time and felt crappy and then took out my laziness and procrastination on my kids.

After I talked to Warren and apologized for spanking him I was pulling the pizza out of the oven and I burnt myself, dropped the pizza and it flipped upside down onto the oven door. Karma?

I had to leave right then so I left the toppings on the oven door and saved the crust. Luckily my parents showed up and I was able to have them keep Lydia, but Warren oh Warren- he was SCREAMING to go with me. So I just took him with. I'd rather me have to deal with his crying instead of my parents :)

I totally realized I dropped the ball and everything was crazy because of me! Seth came and got Warren and when I got home the house was clean! I was so grateful.

Friday I was determined to make up for that less than awesome day. I spent time playing with my kids while deep cleaning and letting Warren help me sweep and mop the floor. May not seem like a lot but he LOVES helping me do things like that and sometimes I have a hard time letting him "help" me clean ;)

It made for much happier kids and a much happier momma and I was a ton more productive. I sure am thankful for little kids that forgive easy and still love me even when I make mistakes.

permission to be....me

I've had this stuff rattling around in my head for a few months now....This past year has been a good year of learning and realizations for me. I knew I needed to write this down and possibly share in hopes of maybe helping a few that have had the same thoughts/issues as me.

This huge inner battle with myself started mainly my first year of marriage. Right before my last semester of my college career is when we sealed the deal. After I graduated 4 months later, I started searching for a job and couldn't find/get one until the beginning of August. Let's just say I had A LOT of free time :) That's when I first started to really get into blogging. Once I started blogging I then did A LOT of blog stalking. I started to get really depressed because well.... everyone else seemed to have this amazingly fun, happy go lucky marriage and life!!! I then of course started comparing it to my marriage and how lame it seemed compared to everyone else adventures, surprises from hubby's, blah blah blah. I eventually got out of that funk and realized that most people only post the good things, the happy things. Life went on and now and then I would get in that same funk and start comparing my life again. I fell into this trance of only posting things that were super fun that we did, my pictures had to be edited before I put them on my blog, I would even plan fun things to do and made sure to document them so I could put them on my blog and seem like the "fun person" the "fun mom". Laughable right?! haha.

That was a few years ago. Fast forward to a year and a half ago. I was really struggling with feeling like I had any friends. REAL friends that is. Sure I had a lot of girls that I knew and had interaction with but I was lacking someone I could turn to, someone I could be my crazy self around, someone I didn't feel embarrassed around. Someone I could count on if I ever needed advice.
(I'm sure I was being dramatic ;) )  I then began doubting myself, didn't feel like I had great self-esteem, and subconsciously started changing who I was in hopes to fit in.

I thought I had to have the cutest clothes. (I've always dressed more "sporty" t-shirts and jeans and hoodies and ball shorts while at home) I got caught up in following the fashion trends and tried to post pictures of myself in those "supposedly cute outfits". I just wasn't "fitting in" how I wanted to. Of course I know I wasn't doing all I could to find or befriend "those friends I needed".  I don't know how long this was going on for me. It all stopped when I noticed someone who never tried to fit in, who was still herself no matter what and she was FINE! She seemed totally content and happy and didn't give in to what was going on TO fit in. She didn't care. She was happy with who she was. That's when it hit me upside the head of all the silly things I was trying to do! It all started there and I wanted to prove to myself that I didn't need others to make me feel good or I didn't need to compare myself to others lives on facebook or on blogs.

During that same time I became super good friends with a girlie that has changed my life! (More on that in a sec. )

THEN pinterest came along. Holy mess!! I wasn't quite to where I was strong enough yet and boy oh boy I dug myself in what seemed like an eternal never ending pit.
I thought I had to do all these things as a mother to make sure that my child had the best childhood ever! He needed homemade food all the time. I had to have fun activities picked out to do everyday. We had to have dance parties randomly throughout the day and go to the park and, and, and... I saw other mothers I knew doing this "all the time" (what the blogged, facebooked about, or instagrammed). I wanted to be that way! I wanted to be the supermom who did it all and their kids were always doing something magical and fun!
Did I really? Or was it just because it seemed as though, those who did that had the happiest and most magical lives ever? That they never had a messy house? That they always looked like they stepped out of window display? That they never raised a finger at their kids and those said kids were always obedient and cuddly and happy as can be?

"Why couldn't I do that? Why wasn't I that fun mom? Why didn't I have it in me? Am I not creative enough to do that? Why didn't I have all these kinds of awesome friends that I hung out with on a regular basis? Why is it so hard to have that perfect day to day life? If they can do it why can't I? Why is it so hard for me? Am I not good enough? I'll never be able to do that....."

Then every once and a while I would come across some blogs that they actually posted about negative things that went on. "WHAT?! Who does that? How embarrasing!" ;)

I pretty much was depressed as a mom. I couldn't do it all and you're supposed to be able to do it all. Right??? RIGHT??!

NO!

Over the summer and still now, this friend of mine has been my "therapist". She helped me see that I was being CRAY CRAY. (I laugh every time I see that somewhere. But I really just love it. It's like crazy-er than crazy) She pretty much helped me re-wire the way I thought of myself and thought of life in general. I was too focused on trying to be like and please others rather than being ME/pleasing myself and in general I wasn't including God in my life in the ways that I should. This person truly does not care what people think of her and is the most kind/sincere person who will talk to any stranger just to make their day better. She lives life freely and doesn't "rate her coolness" on what others/the media/what's popular.

I started keeping little notes on my phone here and there of thoughts I had, and about things that really don't matter. Well to me, that is. That's when I decided that I wanted to write about this. That I wanted to start blogging real life. The good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly. The happy the sad. The triumphs and catastrophes. (Gaspard and Lisa anyone?)

So here it is. This is what I've realized about me, about LIFE!

*Just a side not real quick. There ARE those people that can do it all. And you know what? I am so happy for them. Seriously. Now that I'm starting on my journey to give myself permission to be me, I'm totally okay with the fact that I'm not that and that they are. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. Some strengths are things you can outwardly see. Others, not unless you really knew them would you be able to see some of their awesome strengths. We all come differently and that's what makes this world interesting and not the same and boring! And I realize a lot of this stuff some of you peoples already know...bear with me while I catch up ;)

(I'm re-posting these just how I wrote them down. Random order, but these are how the thoughts came to me throughout random days and times these last few months)

((And these are things that apparently I used to be so wrapped up in and thought I had to be perfect on or the thoughts wouldn't have come.))

                                                        --------------------------------------------
                                 (Bullet points inside my head)

I have come to find out and realize that it's important to me to look good for myself. (Sound funny?) When I take the time to run a brush through my hair, put on "real clothes" I feel more energized and will actually start the day. (Unless I'm sick, then I could care less. haha)  BUT also, it's okay that I don't shower every day.

It's okay to have piles of laundry that need to be put away staring at you in your laundry room.

It's okay to have a pile of mail sitting on the counter that you just haven't gone through quite yet. 

It's okay that I don't take my kids to the park every single day.

It's okay that I let warren watch episode after episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse when I'm just too tired to entertain or I need to get things done OR just want to write a blog post ;)

It's okay to be covered in baby food during the day when sometimes I have a baby who wont sit in her high chair and needs to be held to eat and then rubs her nose on my shirt two seconds later.

It's okay that sometimes my kids never make it past wearing a diaper in the morning.

It's okay if I don't have fabulous meals prepared every single night.

It's okay to eat a cookie or two with some ice cream when I want.

It's important to me to exercise.

I realize I'm kind of a messy person but that's okay. I want to become more organized.

It's okay that I don't have awesome huge birthday parties for my kids every year.

It's okay that I'm not the best photographer around.

It's not okay to compare myself to others even though sometimes it's a hard thing not to do.

Everyone started somewhere. Be happy for those that are "supermoms". I've come to accept that I'm not that, but I am my own supermom. I'm not downplaying anyone that can do everything. We just need to realize our own strengths. We all have them, we just need to find them, use them, and LOVE them.

Be yourself. Don't try to keep up with others. Keep up with YOU! You're always going to feel like a failure if you're striving to be anybody else.


                                       -----------------------------------------------------------

Those were my main bullet points, now this is just some long paragraphed thoughts I wrote down. Some of these are somewhat repetitive but now I know what I was really struggling with ;)

                                       -----------------------------------------------------------
                                             (Thoughts Inside My Head)

No one wants to admit they're having problems. If we were able to admit our problems and share them without feeling judged, then we could actually help those in need. And that I could be okay with the fact that I was having problems.

I used to only mainly wear basketball clothes because that's who I thought I was. I wanted to be different and couldn't understand how girls who were athletic could be super girly or dress "super girly" too. It didn't make sense to me. WAHLAA! ---> I wasn't embracing my femininity. Once I was helped to realize this it dawned on me that I LOVED wearing skirts. I actually started to like the color pink. Well Coral.. so not technically pink yet ;) haha. I felt more me. I now know what I like to wear, what look/style I like and I'm comfortable in that. It's not completely different than what I've always worn, I just have added more feminine pieces. (Everyday skirts, flowy tops, that sort of thing) 

(*Little bit of history on that one. In high school I played soccer, basketball, and did track. I was known by people, that didn't know me, as that Wood girl who played...(soccer/basketball/track). Not to toot my own horn but I was athletic and succeeded at the sports I did. That quickly became my identity for myself. So naturally I dressed more sporty and surfer girl. I liked dressing up all cutesy but that just wasn't me, and especially not if you played sports ;)* )

I don't have anything against moms who are awesome in that way. (moms who can do a lot) But don't feel pressured to be that way. Choose what makes me happy and what helps me to live freely. Why am I so scared to live like I really want? Why am I so scared/worried of others and what they think?

None of us do enough to make ourselves happy. I realize as moms we have to sacrifice of course for a lot of things we may want to do but we can STILL do some of them. We need to find our own balance and do what makes us happy doing it!

Why don't we all try and live for ourselves and our families? Instead of living to impress others? I'm not innocent. I totally go through spurts of doing that, sometimes not even knowing that I am doing it.

Why are some people in general so scared to show that we're not perfect or that our house is not always clean? It just makes it harder to know when to help people these days because nobody wants to admit or show that they need help. Nobody wants to appear weak.

                                                ----------------------------------------------

So... I've had some issues. :)

(I could go on about these bullet points and paragraphed thoughts but I'll spare you.)( And my head hurts.)

And those are just a few that I was able to write down right when I thought them. Who puts these thoughts in our heads anyways?  "That we're not good enough, that we have to keep up and be like so and so and if we don't we're scum?" The one who doesn't want anyone to be happy because he can't have happiness himself. The adversary.

We have a choice to be! That's the beauty. We can choose how we want to live our lives. No one can make us feel any certain way. For the longest time, I HATED when my mom/husband used to tell me that no one can make you feel mad, no one can make you feel inferior. I thought it was the dumbest thing ever. But Hello Janica! It's sooo true. YOU CHOOSE. You choose to be happy, you choose to be YOU! I'll admit it's hard to do sometimes. It's hard to change that thought process. Sure someone can do something to you that hurts you, but you can choose to be offended, you can choose to be mad.

I can choose to be the type of person I want to be. I can choose to be the type of mom I want to be. I can choose to coast along with life or I can choose to make it an adventure and be happy doing it. I can choose to be ME. All those bullet points and thoughts are me choosing to be me. I'm not perfect and I'm perfectly happy with accepting that. My friend helped me realize that a lot of people just need this subconscious permission to be themselves. I needed permission to be me. I needed to realize it was okay to have the quirks I have. It's okay that I do things the way I sometimes do. Of course there are things I should work on but it's okay to be where I am with life right now as long as I'm progressing and getting better. I saw this quote I think on pinterest or somewhere.

"Be okay with where you are, even if you know you want to change." 

(I couldn't find the source or quot-er)

Does this all sound super random and kind of like I just randomly chucked random words at a page? Well probably because it is :) I just felt the need to get these thoughts out. I'm not the best writer and can't make things sound all cool and fun to read like my husband can so if you made it through till the end. Props to you :)

I'm not a fan of the "New Years Resolution" list thing. I don't exactly know why. I'm just not. So this is my "2013 plan":

I'm giving myself permission to be me and to find out exactly who me is. 

I'm going to start blogging about real life. Yes, what I have blogged is real life, but it's only been the fun, the happy. I totally get why you wouldn't want to blog the bad, the ugly and that's totally cool too, to not do that. I've just realized that this is what I need to do for myself to help along my plan of being me and finding me. And because I personally love to read people who blog it all. It helps me out when I'm feeling like the only one not in control of my life. So be prepared! ;)