Almost daily.
By my sweet little Warren.
2 days ago, I was completely exhausted and most days I don't really know what to do. So I come to you, my faithful readers. (haha, I don't blog enough to have faithful readers) No but in all seriousness I need some help. Here's my dilemma. He's at the stage where if he takes a nap, he won't fall asleep/go to bed/keep getting out of bed until 9:30 or 10. If I don't give him a nap, he's bouncing off the walls 24/7, cranky, whining a lot more, but I put him down at 7/7:30. And when I try to put him to bed-I almost lose it. We have to pin him down to put his jammies on and get him to settle down. Help? :) (I can't lock him in his room at night, when he keeps trying to get out, he shares the room with Lydi)
Which comes to my second dilemma. I try to do quiet time activities with him during the days that I decide to not give him a nap. It usually goes like this: yesterday I got an activity ready that I was SURE he would love. Ripping colored paper and gluing it down to make a "fall tree". I started with the ripping. He tried a couple times and didn't want to do it anymore because he couldn't figure it out. Then I show him how and give him encouragement to keep trying. He tries and then decides he's done and doesn't to rip paper. (whaa?? what kid doesn't want to rip paper?) So then I tell him I'll rip the paper and he can glue it down. I show him how to put glue on the pieces, he doesnt want to do that either, he just wants to paint glue all over the paper we are putting it on. So then I let him go crazy and paint the paper with glue and then I tell him do put the pieces down. He doesn't want to do that either, so I let him paint away with the glue. Then he's bored with that and wants to pour the cup of glue all over. I tell him he can't do that and put it away. He flips out.
Moral of the story. I get frustrated because I'm trying to do 1 on 1 time with him and doing a fun crafty activity and he ends up getting frustrated because I wont let him spill glue all over. I guess I need to find activities where he can just make a mess of whatever it is? Ideas? Suggestions?
And my other dilemma. Poor little Lydia. She get's steam rolled/head pushed into the ground/toys taken away from her/pulled down from standing position by Warren I don't know how many times daily. I know he just wants to have someone to play with. The thing is, I feel like I'm constantly getting on his case for hurting her. If it's not a huge thing that he does and really isn't harming her, I let it go. But of course when he just steals toys from her or is really hurting her I have to discipline him. Which most of the time he's too rough or just steals her toys and chucks them so she can't have them. So then I feel like I'm telling him no or disciplining him more than I am praising him or telling him yes. And I don't want to do that.
At least 15 minutes a day I try to play airplane with him or wrestle with him to try and help the situation, but on his non nap days, he needs that almost 24-7.
I've just been so exhausted the last 2 weeks trying to figure my little guy out and help him the best I can without telling him no all the time. I feel way too frustrated most days and I don't want that either. I feel like I am also asking him to do things over and over and over again before he listens or does it.
AND this kid DOES NOT eat. It's a fight most times to get him to eat.... I don't even know what else to say with that.
I know I'm missing something/not doing enough/etc.
AND this kid DOES NOT eat. It's a fight most times to get him to eat.... I don't even know what else to say with that.
I know I'm missing something/not doing enough/etc.
I'm sending out an S.O.S :)
Posts
This is what has worked for me: About the nap, maybe he doesn't need a long nap everyday but maybe every other day or so. I wouldn't force the nap but rather have quiet time everyday. I would designate a comfy spot where he can sit/lay quietly with a book or something else that doesn't require your full attention. Make sure he knows that he doesn't have to take a nap but that it is quiet time and he needs to stay in his quiet time spot until quiet time is over. He'll fall asleep on the days he needs the rest and not on the days he doesn't. The reality is that you need a little break from him everyday and he needs a little independence this will suffice both. This has worked for me with my kids when they have hit the "no nap/little terror" stage. At bedtime come up with a routine and stick with it, make sure that routine includes reading a story and snuggling in his bed for a few minutes. I have found that a book, a snuggle and a chat at then end of the day seems to cure many things.
ReplyDeleteAbout him beating up Lydi, he's a boy. He's rough and mean and made that way. Instead of getting after him and scolding him sharply when he hits her over the head with a toy re-direct his attention and to something positive like having him help you with whatever it is your working on, or picking him up and snuggling him for a minute and sneak in a little spill about how we don't hit....Sometimes when my kids are just having a naughty day I will give them a tickle attack and it usually helps to snap them out of it. He is really just needing your attention and that is a quick way to give it to him in a fun positive way.
He'll eat when he's hungry. :)
You're a good mom. Most kids, if not all, go through the same kinds of things you are facing with Warren. Remember it's just a phase; you'll get it all figured out soon. Oh, and I almost forgot, pray about it. Heavenly Father always answers when it comes to the little ones. :) Good luck!
I'm glad I'm not the only one who tries to do fun crafty one-on-one time with my toddler only to have it turn into a screaming fit. Also, my older daughter does not eat either. It is seriously a battle every meal to get any food into her stomach. And, she is rough with her little sister. Hitting, pushing, stealing toys, jumping on, etc. She is in time out a lot for that. She is a little younger though so it's easier to re-direct her.
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid I don't have any awesome advice. Mostly I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone and I totally get the pure all-day-long frustration. I like the idea of designating a specific quiet-time tent or play spot with books and quiet toys that is just for Warren. I agree that he probably needs alone time as much as you do even if he doesn't think he does. Having a specific spot with special books or toys might help.
One thing I just thought of. When Lia gets really annoying and whiney it helps to just let her go outside. A walk or coloring with chalk or just running in the grass. Going outside seems to calm her and sort of re-set her. It might help on some days.
I think you're doing a great job as a mom. Good luck!
Wow! I swear I just read exactly what my life was like for 9 months of this last year. You perfectly described everything I was going through with my 3 year old son. What I would do is let him take an early nap (around 11 or 12), if he's willing, but don't let him sleep longer than 90 minutes. Then have a very consist, predictable bedtime routine to have him in bed by 8:30. As you work on a routine you could probably gradually move bedtime earlier as you phase out naps. For Luke, we ended up using Melatonin to help him get to sleep at night, while setting a routine and then phasing out the Melatonin over the course of a month.
ReplyDeleteWith my Luke, it took a lot of patience in teaching him what quiet time was and that he needed to play by himself and what not. If you give him a special spot for quiet time with different toys/books he might be more willing to do it, but it will take lots of reinforcement and encouragement. Let him know that you appreciate how well he's playing by himself.
I agree with Jane on the beating up Lydi part and the hunger. Just keep offering the food and eventually he'll get interested. Good luck!
Oh my gosh, Sadie did this exact same stuff for a few months before she turned three. Except she would also come into our room in the middle of the night 3 or 4 times. It was a nightmare. I talked to my pediatrician about it and spent hours and hours reading stuff online, praying, and complaining to Daniel about it.
ReplyDelete1- Bedtime. I created a routine that we did every night. It probably doesn't matter so much what the routine is except that it is non-energy inducing and it is the same every night. After we put her in bed I stood right outside Sadie's door and put her right back in her bed every time she came out. I stayed completely calm and didn't say anything or engage in any of her stalling tactics. The first night it took 3 hours of screaming and putting her back in her room. It was terrible. We actually waited to put Elise to bed until after Sadie was asleep so it didn't wake her up. The next night it took 1 hour and then another week or two of 10 minutes of standing outside her door. Now she never comes out. To be honest, I'm not sure how you do this with 2 kids sharing a room, but it might work? We don't have to stick to the routine as strictly anymore, but there are a few things we do no matter what- a story, teeth brushing, and prayers. (Before this started, Sadie had been the most amazing sleeper and had never ever come out of her room)
2. Quiet time. I had to first accept that she wasn't going to take naps. I thought there was something I could do to make her nap every day. Nope. I still made Sadie have quiet time but only for 30 minutes. I stood outside her door and put her back in her room for like 10 minutes and then she'd give up. She only ends up falling asleep like once a week, but she now plays in her room for 45 minutes to an hour every afternoon. I need that quiet time for myself! And I have found that I can't plan any activity with her that I want to have a certain outcome. We do things like play dough and finger painting- where she can do whatever she wants. Do you guys already check out library books frequently? I let Sadie pick out 4 books at the library each week and she gets excited about reading the new books during quiet time.
3. Hurting Lydia- This is the one that baffled me the most with Sadie. And it made me the most mad. It kind of makes me laugh when people say boys are just born that way- because Sadie was awful to Elise. She probably gave her more than a few concussions when Elise was first learning how to walk- shoving her straight back onto her head. And to be honest I never found a great solution except to distract Sadie with something completely different. Time-outs seemed to make it worse, like Sadie enjoyed the attention from it. I had to almost snap Sadie out of it when she would get fixated on hurting Elise, just by separating and distracting her. It gradually got better, so it makes me think it was some kind of weird phase- maybe having to do with the exhaustion from transitioning to no naps. She still hurts Elise sometimes and it is always when she's tired. What frustrates me the most about it is everyone assumes it is a cry for attention, but Sadie never hurt Elise when I was giving Elise attention; she did it in the middle of me giving her one-on-one time, or when she had a friend over, or when we were doing something fun as a family. Anyway, like I said, she has stopped doing it for the most part.
4. Eating- like other people said (and it annoys me to hear it coming out of my own mouth) keep offering him healthy options. Don't stress about it too much unless your doctor is concerned with his weight.
And I hate to say it, because it seems like a cop out and it doesn't help right now, but if you stick to your rules and let Warren know them, he will probably get better with age. He'll just move onto new problems, right? :)
I'm so sorry! I completely understand. Enoch has gone through similar things and also has a baby sister we are learning to be gentle with. I am glad to hear other boys that age don't do crafts either. Haha, we try to color and he just rips the labels off :) Teehee...
ReplyDeleteI am probably not the best advice giver, and I know every situation and child is different, but I feel like when I am able to spend time outside with my little guy, everything goes so much smoother.
Also...I got a book {I Know, parenting books were always something I dreaded} But Love & Logic has a lot of parenting books and a good friend {with incredibly well behaved and GOOD kids} loves these books, so I thought I would try one out. The one I got was "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years" By Jim & Charles Fay. I LOVE everything they talk about, and I have become a much calmer and patient mother thanks to the book {and lots of prayer :) Anyway, they give a few really simple ideas of ways to handle tantrums and different ways to react to situations without getting angry.
Anyway, you are an amazing Momma, I hope things get better :) ♥
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ReplyDeleteLots of your friends have good ideas, sometimes trying something new and sticking to it works wonders.
ReplyDeleteIt may be that Warren learns in a different way than some of the crafts you've done promote. I know that Jack (although younger) doesn't keep attention for long unless its very interactive. Throwing is his favorite thing so I play games where we throw all the matched up socks into the hamper or we build big forts or stack up the blankets and jump on them, just silly games that get some energy out.
Or even try messy games with finger paint outside or play dough. I personally wouldn't let him squish the glue around after you told him "No" because that's what he wants, to run the show and call the shots. Every time you give in to his antics it tells him "if I push mommy, she'll let me do what I want even when she says no" so then you saying "No" becomes a game.
I will say that I agree with you on not wanting to be getting after him all day but it might be necessary to show lots of tough love for now until you are able to reign him in a little. It'll be harder on you than him but its part of being a good mother. No mother wants to get after their kids but its necessary. Consistency is key, at least from my experience, (which isn't tons :))Jack tests me all the time and often I don't have the energy or I'm in public so I don't want to go through the motions of disciplining like at home but I have to. It's really hard with active boys but if he honestly knows that every single time he disobeys or is blatantly mean/hurts Lydia he goes to time out, I think he'll get better. I sit Jack on the wall for time out and calmly tell him why he's there and that when he calms down and wants to behave I will come get him (when he's older i'll set a short timer ). He screams and try's leaving the wall but I always put him back, and say the same thing again and walk away. He always calms himself down after a little bit and I again tell him why he was in time out and thank him for calming down and let him get out. It works wonders, It reminds him "Mom is the boss!"
I've been "disciplining" Jack since he was 9 months old. I'm a huge advocate of helping your kids understand expectations and consequences early so you remain in control and children aren't calling the shots. Obviously at 9 months I was just telling him "we don't throw our food" and taking what he was throwing from his hands etc. nothing real big but if I didn't do this with him (and sone weeks where I'm not consistent) he totally pushes me and acts up terribly! And he's still challenging none-the-less!!
Although young kids don't understand concepts or logic like adults or older kids do they do correlate actions with consequences.
Lots of other moms just say "they're too young to understand" but I think that's naive. They understand the consequences for wrong behavior and also the reward and praise for good behavior although they might not understand the exact reasons for it. Kids are WAY smarter than people think, they will figure out how to work parents over early on if you don't nip disobedient behavior.
Anyways, this is just what I do but I'm not an expert. I was happy to see that on one of those nanny shows she does the same thing with time out and she was able to get crazy crazy kids to come around.
Just be sure Warren knows "Mom is the boss!"
Good luck lady! He's definitely a sweet boy among all the difficulty, he'll come around I'm sure! :)
Sure wish we lived closer!
ReplyDeleteI sent you a very long message on Facebook...
Love you Janica!
That's a lot of good advice. I just want to add one thing relating to the hurting of his little sister. In our house this idea worked best. When Warren does something to hurt his sister, or makes her sad or makes her cry, point out to him that what he did hurt her and made her sad. Then tell him he needs to do something to make her happy instead. It's a logical consequence. I don't think he's too young to understand "I'm sorry" and how other people feel and about consequences. It should be something simple like letting her hold one of his toys, or getting her a cracker or sippy cup of juice, or kissing her on the head (unless she doesn't like that)or drawing her a picture, or one of my favorites was when a brother worked so hard for a half hour making a fruit loop necklace (his idea) for his little brother - who loved it, by the way.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck - and hang in there!